“I hate you, you’re stupid, just leave me alone.” How many times have words like these escaped from your mouth and you literally wish you could reach out, grab them and pull them back? We can all think of occasions when this has happened and it is at times like these that we become acutely aware of the importance of our words. What about those times when we are not really paying attention to what we are saying? What effect might that have on our lives?
The simple fact is that you can alter any situation by changing your thoughts and words because doing this not only shifts your perceptions, it shifts your behavior as well. The message you are communicating changes and you will be able to open new doors leading to infinite new possibilities. Here’s an example of this process at work.
Through the coaching process, she worked out that she was operating under the very limiting belief that her only options at this point in her life were to either get back together with this man or to meet someone new on the one particular dating website she was familiar with. Her experience with the dating website had been a disappointing and draining one. Therefore, she found herself moving towards choosing to be with this ex-boyfriend. Together, we established that her current beliefs about her options were not working for her. We began to explore the possibility of finding a way to change her thoughts about her options in a way that might work better for her.
Ultimately, what she figured out was that this ex-boyfriend represented a lesson in her life that she had been missing. He was a big compromise. She, like many of us, was afraid of being alone, afraid that she was not worthy of having a healthy, loving relationship, and afraid of the unknown. We all feel like this at one time or another. The main issue for her was that she hadn’t faced these fears yet so they were continuing to haunt her. She was able to address each one in different ways during our sessions together. Most importantly, she was aware that fear had taken over her thoughts, words and actions. That awareness gave her the clarity, strength and freedom to make new choices in her life.
With the support of coaching, she agreed to shift her thoughts and words from “I’m not sure if I’m ready” to “ I am ready and open to meeting an amazing man.” In addition to changing her thoughts and words she added a visualization to make it even more powerful. She envisioned herself stepping into the ring of uncertainty and embracing the fact that she does not know exactly what this new relationship will look like, but she does know it will happen.
By shifting her perspective and recognizing that by having had the thought that she wasn’t sure if she wanted a relationship, her words, and the energy she projected matched that thought. Consequently, in her every day behavior she gave off signals of being closed off and guarded. It was no longer a surprise to her that she was getting such frustrating results when it came to dating.
One afternoon after one of our morning coaching sessions, she called to tell me that she had conversations several with perfect strangers and she had made all of them smile. She knew that she was able to have a positive impact on other people’s day. This really excited her. Then, a few days later, she was at the gym and noticed that there was a man there that she had known about 20 years before, but they had lost touch. They struck up a conversation and really hit it off and agreed to meet up later for a drink. Now her outlook on everything is refreshed and rejuvenated. She will never again forget how important her thoughts and her words are, and how she has the power to control those thoughts and words, rather than letting them control her.
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